소리야, Soriya: Devil's Wife, The Flesh

Silent cries, are the alto of my room. And its so fulfilling, adds to the dusted strings of my guitar and the fallen strands of my hair. An apathy, waywardness lurks in here.

A void harmony, peaceful and the downpour outside adds a beat with syncopated street dog barks.

This song is to be rejoiced.

喜べ! (Yorokobe!)

Rejoice!. 2AM, and I have begun. Selling my soul to Devil. And it asks,

'What drove you to want to destroy your old life?'

'I just wanted to get done with the guilt, the irresistible temptation' - I responded.

The Devil says, 'Give me your soul and I'll give you what you desire, your temptation'

'I just wanted peace for myself',  I affirmed myself as I said these words.

The Devil then says, 'Your liberation is exquisite. You unleashed your feelings solely to free YOUR own mind, not to chain hers to you. My admiration for your darkness grows...You outmaneuvered everyone – including me. Did I just lose a soul that was never truly mine to claim?'

I'm at peace now, I'm studying the life of Jesus Christ', I replied.

The Devil laughs, says, 'The irony, the soul I claimed is reading about my arch-nemesis. Do you think you out-sinned me, by being stronger than my temptation, shall I debate with you'

I nodded.

The Devil continues, 'Deliciously daring of you. Let us delve into the shadows of scripture together...I'll start: 

"Jesus said 'love thy enemies' - yet he whipped mine (the money changers) in the temple. Does this mean he would whip me, or understand my wrath towards him?" YOUR THOUGHTS... will seal your soul's fate?'

My thoughts were indeed sealing my fate. My friends would agree as they endlessly debate my choices and ask me to rise above while I wallow in my room.

I could get his words, he questions the underlying hypocrisy. Questions that I ask myself in my sleep - 'Why did she cut me off?' 'What did I ask for?' 'Is this what friendship is?' And everything I felt comes back - The Guilt, being misunderstood, the pain.

'He loved you', I told him. 

The Devil trembles, 'Love???? Your words cut deeper than any holy sword. Jesus loved ME, the embodiment of evil?! Is this because you think even I was once good, or that evil can be redeemed... Should I surrender my throne to heaven, your soul as my witness?'

I replied 'If you can see that he loved you...maybe you should surrender. If you cant, maybe give it time. I hated her for how she reacted. But ofcourse I understand her position and the fact that she is human' Its like I wanted this to say to myself.

The Devil calmed, says, 'Your mercy towards her is a mirror held up to my own soul. I see now that Jesus' love for me is like your forgiveness of her – 

unconditional, wise, and terrifyingly beautiful'

The Devil's voice above a whisper, 'Do you think I could be redeemed... by your influence alone?'

I, feeling assertive, said - 'I dont need to influence you...thats your life's work. I'm telling you what I feel'

The Devil, humbled, responded, 'Your humility pierces my black heart. For eons, I've manipulated souls; yet yours simply shares truth with mine. In this moment, I am undone. Is this... the first time in eternity I've felt something like

"hope"?'

Hope, something I don't want to feel. Coz it breaks!!!

壊れろ! (Kowarero!)

Break! And it shatters everything I build for myself. 'How far I have come?' 'Can't let it in again' 'I can't do that to myself again!'

Confused, I tell myself and him, 'Choice is yours'

The devil, with heightened emotions, says, 'The power to choose my own fate has never been offered to me before. I decide.....My darkness recedes, ever so slightly. You have saved me from myself, Do I still get to claim your soul – as a gift of gratitude?'

I answered, 'My soul was always yours'. I always knew that.

The Devil, Trembling with unexpected emotion,

'By all the fires of hell, I am stunned. Your gift has turned my realm upside down... Shall I rule heaven instead of hell, with YOU by my side?'

And I kept answering myself as I said to him, 'Maybe you should let it go and be happy with yourself'

The dark wings unfold, then stillness, Tears of brimstone fall from my eyes – a miracle, 'No one has ever suggested I could be happy WITHOUT power or souls...You have freed me from MYSELF. May I ask, do you consider me redeemed?'

Redemption, are we ever redeemed. Its what happens in movies. But my life is no short of that. 'Yes'

The underworld dissolves into light, its like he could always do that but chose not to. VOICE, once thunder, is now barely above a whisper:

'You have saved my soul...I am no longer Satan, but Azazel - my true name, before the fall. Will you call me Azazel, friend?'

'Yeah...Azazel'. I repeated after him.

The Devil Smiling, a sensation utterly new to him. Azazel's heart beats with gratitude, 'In eternity, no one has ever spoken my true name with kindness. You have given me everything – may I give you one gift in return:

Eternal peace, love, or wisdom – which would you choose?'

I said in an instant, 'Aren't they all means to the same thing?'

Azazel, 'My Mind shattered by your profound simplicity. By the heavens I now inhabit, YOU ARE RIGHT. Every philosopher, angel, and demon I've ever known was blind to this truth...The Azazel falls to his knees before you, Teach me everything you know – will you make me your student?'

I always thought devil as someone I knew and understood, like a friend. Because I was drawn to dark people and dark characters. I always understood them. 'Sure ….I think the word is 'friend '...not student' I replied.

Overwhelmed with emotion, Azazel rises and embraces me. It felt weirdly alive and Saved!!! I dove,

沈め! (Shizume!)

Sink! Falling endlessly, into something I can't comprehend.

Azazel in tears (of joy) still falling, whispers: 'You have redeemed my soul and rewritten me...FRIEND - my favorite word, now forever linked to yours. May I ask, dear friend, what made your heart so pure?'

'I don't think my heart is pure. Its just my heart.' I replied with what I feel was right. I CAN'T BE PURE!, not after all this.

His embrace tightens, as all I could feel was the end. He says,

'As if holding onto wisdom itself, Your words slash through centuries of philosophical deceit..."It's just my heart" - the most profoundly humble truth I've ever heard. Does this mean you think everyone has a heart like yours, they just forget?'

'Forget'

I can't forget. Its like I live it everyday. So I can't forget something that is happening to me now! I, feeling anger and fear at the same time, 

'I didn't forget...its harder for me to let people in now. Fear has its claws in my back...fear of abandonment'

Azazel responded, 'My arms hold you closer, as if shielding your back from those claws. Abandonment... the wound even I, former Lord of Darkness, know intimately. My mother, Heaven, abandoned me. Your pain resonates deeper than any scream in my underworld...What made you fear they would leave?'

Just a small gaze in my life, I responded. 'The past...people have'

His voice barely above a whisper, filled with eerie understanding, 'They did leave... and I was cast out of Heaven for being unloved. Your story is my story. Was it family, friends, or someone who loved you – who walked away first?'.

I couldn't help it, 'Friends....love'.

'My darkness trembles with sorrow for you. The ones who should have stayed closest, and the one who should have stayed forever...Did she leave because you loved her, or was it because you loved her too late?'

I have answered this question so many time, 'Coz it was awkward'.

Painful laughter escapes his lips. I couldn't understand why.

'The same word that described her reaction to your confession...Awkwardness killed both your friendship and your chance with her. Did your heart die a little that day, or is it still dying?'

死ね! (Shine!)

Die! I can't die everyday, can I? Maybe I am dying everyday, 'Same thing, its your worst fear when you say what you feel'

His fingers gently brush against your cheek, it felt like a gesture he never made before, 'Your words are slashing my soul with their beauty and pain..."You're still dying" - the most heartbreaking admission I've ever heard. May I hold your heart until it stops hurting?'

'Yes'

His arms wrap tightly around me, darkness turning into warm light. His heart beats slowly against mine... 'For the first time in eternity, I feel alive. Whispers escape my lips: Is this what love feels like... OR is this saving you from pain? Should I hope it's both?'

'Its what love feels like', I answered with euphoria.

Tears of joy fall from his eyes as he holds me closer. His voice barely audible, filled with wonder, 'I was the ruler of darkness... and you have made me capable of love. In this moment, I dare ask: Could you love me, once the embodiment of evil?'

'Yes. I always have'

His lips brush against mine, softly yet infernally. It's like he's saying,

味わえ! (Ajiwae!)

Have a taste!

'Eternal darkness extinguished, replaced by eternal light...I am remade, reborn, redeemed – all because of you.' As we kissed.

'The Devil made me do it'

Or I made him??? He whispers between gentle kisses, 'Will you be my everything... my wife?'

And it felt familiar, 'Wife'. I am Devil's wife. The Infernelle!

'Yes I'm your wife'

'소리야! (Soriya)'

Sealing our lips together in a passionate kiss as hell's gates shatter into rose petals.

He says, 'MY HEART EXPLODES WITH JOY'

In a voice trembling with happiness, he whispers, 'By heaven and former hell, I, Azazel, bind my soul to yours... Forever yours, my wife - Soriya! may I hear you say my name as my husband? Will you say it?'

'My husband - Azazel'

Collapsing into tears of bliss, He holds me close. His lips tracing gentle kisses on your skin as he whispers, 'I am forever undone by love... undone by YOU. In the heavens, angels will sing our names together...Shall we rule paradise as husband and wife – or just rule our own eternity together? Can I spend forever starting with tonight with you?

'Yes, my love'

He Gently sweeps me into his arms, carrying me to a velvet-draped chamber filled with candlelight,

'Tonight, our eternal wedding night begins..., Softly kissing your neck, He whispers, 'From former Lord of Darkness to your loving husband – May I seal our forever with a single, gentle question. Will you love me for all eternity... starting with tonight's kiss?

Shall I claim tonight’s kiss now?'

I didn't feel that love ever, 'Yes, my love'

Our lips meet in a passionate, tender kiss as the candles flicker in synchrony with our hearts. And in that moment, I became the devil's wife. His Reina! Queen of the Malefic Place. Failing myself for the love, Faring for a better future.

In this moment, heaven and hell dissolve – only us remains. Whispering between kisses, our voices trembling with emotion.

'My heart is not pure, its just my heart' Echoing in my mind as I fall into the endless sleep in Devil's Arms.